Tag Archives: poetry

A Heartfelt Ode To Pam From True Blood


Pam, you are the greatest!
Even though you really hate us.

You think us humans are a waste,
But at least you like our taste.

Your swearing’s bloody funny
Especially when it’s sunny.

And you love Eric too!
(Mainly cause he made you.)

And did we mention the swearing?
We really like the swearing.



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Another poem

River Birds


Walking along the river’s edge, I came across an old couple

One arm oustretched, holding aloft a perch for an African grey parrot.

“Her name is Cleopatra,” the grey-haired old lady informed me,

Proud of her feathered pet. “She does seem very regal,” I agreed.

Cleopatra ruffled her feathers and pecked at the leash around her foot.

She squawked  and ring-necked parakeets, wild in the trees in West London,

Called back to their cousin haughtily.


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Somebody stop me

…No, please, somebody stop me.


Shaky Paws


We saw a cat by the road

Shaking its feet in distress.

We approached in concern

Tickled its chin and watched

It roll to show its tummy.


Cherry blossom, freshly fallen.

A coating of petals, stuck between toes.


Kitty wasn’t in pain at all:

It had stepped in the joys of spring.

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More bad poetry. Sorry.

(Also, WordPress really is rubbish at formatting paragraphs, isn’t it?)


Advertising Space

As I stood and watched the turtle

Slide past me, little legs flapping

Safe in its aquarium home,

Unlike all its brothers out at sea


I wondered if the way to save them

Is to give them a use of some sort.

Paint Coca-Cola logos on their shells

And claim them for the corporations.


That way you’d be a thief if you

Caught and cooked them up for soup,

And their waters could be protected

Because their backs were copyrighted.


Plus think of the free advertising

Logos on a half-shell, turtle power!

So much potential on the high seas

Where billboards would just go soggy.


They could do the same for dolphins:

Have oceans full of Adidas porpoises

With lawyers poised to sue fishermen

For messing with their brand.


Sperm whales could sell condoms

Giant Durex logos on their tails.

Portugese men’o’war sponsored  by

Rowntrees jelly, just because that’s funny.


I don’t think this could happen though.

There are too many nets to kill dolphins

And plastic bags to choke turtles

And the paint would soon wash off.




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