Earwiggers Of The World Unite!

The other day I stumbled across a fantastic website called www.overheardinnewyork.com.

You can probably guess the subject matter from the name, so I won’t insult your intelligence by explaining how it works, but I will say it’s one of the most hilarious sites I’ve ever had the joy to experience. It’s also a terrifying insight into the stupidity of the human race. I would say “the stupidity of Americans”, except there are many comments from tourists (including us Brits), so I won’t.

Read. Enjoy. Laugh. And then check out the site for yourself…

* * *

Little girl: Mom, I really, really want to jump off!
Mom: No, you really don’t.

–86th floor, Empire State Building

* * *

Dude: Can you stick out your freakishly long tongue again?
Chick: Only if you promise not to put a macaroon on it.

–Radio City Music Hall

* * *

Guy to everyone in movie theatre: Shhh, I’m recording this!

–Movie theatre, Court St, Brooklyn

* * *

Dude on cellphone: I saw Tim Burton on an interview the other day, and I said to my cat, ‘Snicket, behold a man who has never yet combed his hair!’

–AMDA entrance

* * *

God Squad lady: Praise Jesus! You won’t be saved without Jesus! You have to start believing in Jesus to be saved! Jesus will always be there for you!
Suit #1: Would it be so awful if we pushed her out when the doors open?
Suit #2: No. Jesus will save her.

–4 train

* * *

Mother with little girl: Excuse me. My daughter wants to know if you’re a pirate.
Woman wearing bandana: No. I’m just a lesbian.

–Crema Restaurante, 17th & 6th

* * *

Mother: Don’t you ever do that again! [slaps child hard]
Child, calmly: Well, are you happy with yourself?

–Union Square

* * *

Small child, trying a Sprite: I don’t like it.
Dad: If you don’t like the taste, just spit it out.
Mom: I’ve heard that one before.

–33rd & 7th

* * *

Mom: So, what kind of animals do you think we will see at the zoo?
Small boy: I think elephants and snakes… Mom? Are there also pretend things there, like dinosaurs and God?
Mom: I think we need to have a talk when we get home.

–N train near Union Square

* * *

And finally, the king of all overheard conversations…

Yuppie kid: Mommy shaves her hoo-hoo!
Yuppie dad: Okay, honey. Look, do you want your book?
Yuppie kid:I came in the bathroom this morning and asked Mommy what she was doing and she said shaving her hoo-hoo. Mommy shaves her hoo-hoo!
Yuppie dad: Dylan, remember when we discussed at-home conversations and outside conversations?
Yuppie kid: Yes.
Yuppie dad: Well, this is an at-home conversation.
Yuppie kid: Okay, daddy. [Sings to herself quietly] Mommmyyy shaves her hoo-hoo…
Black lady: See, home conversating, outside conversating — that’s bullshit. My kid says shit like that, I smack him. He won’t say shit like that again.
Yuppie dad: Okay, thank you, but I think our method works just fine.
Yuppie kid: Lady, do you shave your hoo-hoo?
Black lady: Oh, yeah, that shit is workin’ just fine. She’s all kinds of polite.
Yuppie dad: Okay, Dylan, this is our stop.

–R train

* * *

Genius, isn’t it? You’ll soon be as hooked as I am. I’ll bet you a macaroon.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Earwiggers Of The World Unite!

  1. Chris

    This made me laugh out loud. Thanks for sharing it – looks like you won your macaroon 🙂

  2. Ruud Visser

    A hoo-hoo. I am not sure, but that’s a sort of chiuhaha, right?

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