Okay, before I go on, I have to belatedly mention that two weeks ago Total Film entered a quiz night hosted by Barry Norman and won. Here’s the picture of us and Barry to prove it. Notice how his hands are firmly on my shoulders? I think he was clenching them in fear of Neil, the guy on the right, whose expression in this photograph will never, ever fail to make me laugh. It was a great night, although the first prize of a trophy and free cinema tickets for a month was a little ironic seeing as we all go to the cinema for free anyway. Still, gift horses and mouths and all that.
So, Biddy went home yesterday after a week glued to my sofa. We had a ridiculously good time, only leaving my flat twice: once to see Pan’s Labyrinth (which is just ohmygod wonderful and scary and sick) and once to go for a bracing stroll along the riverbank at Twickenham because, if we hadn’t, chances are we’d have lost the use of our legs. The rest of the time we watched copious amounts of television (Heroes, Lost, Supernatural – of course), the odd shit movie and the odd good one (Grizzly Man). We also demolished a small mountain of junk food… I feel sick just thinking about it. By some miracle, though, I weighed myself this morning and I’ve LOST two pounds! I’m not sure how it happened; perhaps it’s a Dorian Gray kind of thing and there’s a picture in my attic of me looking all fat and lardy. If there is, then I’m never moving house.
I kept notes of all the daft conversations we had over the week and fully intended to turn the experience into a silly SFX column – something along the lines of “Jayne and Biddy watch all the latest US shows in a DIY couch potato session!” However, there was a gaping hole in my logic because when you watch something new you don’t tend to talk much because you’re concentrating on it. (Especially when you watch three episodes of Heroes and all you can say about each one is, “That was FANTASTIC!”)
So that idea fell flat, but I still have all the notes I scribbled as we re-watched season one of Supernatural. And here they are, in…
The Jayne & Biddy Supernatural Couch Potato!
Biddy [during the episode ‘Hook Man’]: “She must sleep really soundly if she can’t hear her roommate’s eviscerated guts slapping on the floor.”
Biddy: “Those sweets are really hideous, aren’t they?”
Jayne: “Yes. Want another one?”
Biddy: “Go on then.”
Jayne [after watching a character called Riley get shot]: “Well, that’s the end of the life of Riley.”
Biddy [after Jayne points out the size of the door locks in the Winchesters’ car]: “You get big knobs in an Impala.”
Biddy: “Have you ever noticed how Jensen Ackles blinks really slowly?”
Jayne: “No. How the heck do you notice something like that?”
Biddy: “Um, I was trying to pause him on the DVD because he looked so purty.”
Jayne [during a spate of bad weather]: “Is there anything better than sitting and watching Supernatural with your best mate during a thunderstorm while eating Jammy Dodgers and drinking a cup of tea?”
Biddy [thoughtfully]: “I think Dean’s far too manly to use a brolly.”
Jayne: “I can’t believe you’re actually obsessing over whether a man can squat in a jumpsuit without squashing his knackers.”
Biddy: “Bleeaggh… I feel sick. Which must mean it’s time to crack open the Haribo!”
Jayne [spotting a familiar piece of furniture in the episode ‘Dead Man’s Blood’]: “Oooh, I’ve got a filing cabinet like that! And, sadly, that’s the nearest Dean Winchester’s ever going to get to my drawers…”
Biddy: “Why is there a wet dinosaur in my bag?”
(Admittedly, you had to be there for that one.)
Jayne [after a phone call from the BBC]: “My crumpets just went cold while the BBC asked me lots of questions about Brazil. Isn’t life strange?”