I’ve just started watching The Wire. If you’re not familiar with the show, it’s a gritty urban drama series showing the two sides of the drug war in Baltimore: through the eyes of the dealers on the streets and the detectives trying to bust them. I’m only a few episodes into season one (I think it’s up to its fifth year now) but I’m already angry it’s taken me so long to find it because The Wire is, quite simply, brilliant.
It’s also very funny. The following scene made me laugh so much I’ve decided to transcribe it for your reading pleasure. It may lose something in the translation from TV screen to computer screen but, hopefully, you’ll enjoy it. Bear in mind all the subtle and delicate nuances of the actors’ performances have been completely lost, but you’ll get the gist.
The set-up: Detectives McNulty and Moreland are revisiting a year-old crime scene to see if they can learn any new information about the murder of a young woman. Let the hilarity ensue…
Moreland (staring at crime scene photos of the dead woman): “Aw, fuck.”
McNulty (looking over his shoulder): “Motherfucker.”
Moreland (laying pics on the kitchen floor to recreate the murder scene): “Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck.”
McNulty (looking at coroner’s report): “Fuck.”
He looks at the entry and exit bulletwounds and frowns.
McNulty: “…the fuck?”
McNulty (pulls out his tape measure and promptly cuts his finger on the edge of it): “Fuck!”
The two detectives then try to recreate the bullet’s angle of entry… and fail.
Moreland: “Aw, fuck.”
McNulty (on his knees, hunting for bulletholes, seeing nothing): “Oh fuck.”
Moreland (staring at a photo of a bullethole in the window glass, realising the shooter must have fired through the window): “Motherfuck! Aw, fuck. Aw, fuck.”
McNulty (realising bullet must be in opposite wall): “Fuckity fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fucker.”
Moreland: “Aw fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”
They look at a crime scene photo and see fragments from the fridge on the floor next to the dead girl. The bullet must have hit the fridge.
Moreland (surprised): “Motherfucker!”
McNulty (opening fridge door, finding bullethole): “Fuckin’ A!”
McNulty (he pulls out the bullet): “Mother… fucker.”
Moreland: “Fuck me.”
Well, I never said it was a family show.